After years of threatening and promising and hoping, "American Idol" will actually do a half-hour results show tonight.
And if "Surviving Jack" isn't a disaster -- it's quite likable, give it a shot! -- we should have half-hour results shows for several weeks to come.
Let's get down to business, because this is gonna be a fast one. [That's what she said.]
9:00 p.m. No! No! No! A 30-minute show means that we DON'T need to waste time going to dinner with the singers. We get that Sam Woolf's "Delilah" is his grandma" and that Celeb Johnson wants to be Ryan Seacrest when he grows up.
9:02 p.m. We're being very slow about this, all things considered. It's our judges. Hi, Jennifer Lopez. Other guys.
9:04 p.m. I guess we still need to hear what Randy thought about the show. His three favorites were Caleb, Malaya Watson and Jena Irene. Way to go out on a limb there, Randy. "The cream is starting to rise to the top," Randy surmises. But who were his least favorites? The other six?
9:05 p.m. We're revealing the safe singers via the Big Screen. The first person safe is Jena. As she should be. Also safe? Malaya. As she should be. And the next person to safety? A commercial!
9:10 p.m. Janelle Monae is fun. I would like her performance more if it weren't also a commercial for "Rio 2." I'll ignore the animated backdrop and concentrate on Monae taking us to Carnivale. But why the G-rated Carnivale? Where are the thongs? And the tassels?
9:13 p.m. And then? A full "Rio 2" commercial. Ick. "Featuring original music from Janelle Monae..." Why yes. I'm aware.
9:17 p.m. It's Chris Meloni and Rachael Harris. They're on a show that's airing next! A show you should watch. You're not doing anything better. Well, maybe you are. In that case, don't worry.
9:18 p.m. Chris Meloni and Alex Preston have the same hat. And he's safe, despite a total snoozazoid of a performance on Wednesday.
9:19 p.m. America loves Jessica Meuse and I continue not to get it. She didn't deserve to go home, but she needs a little Bottom 3 time at some point. She's safe. Caleb Johnson is also safe, because he rocks.
9:20 p.m. "One of you is safe and the other are our Bottom Three tonight," Ryan helpfully tells the remaining four. And Dexter is safe. That means Majesty, Sam and CJ are in the Bottom 3.
9:21 p.m. Ryan asks J-Lo for her opinion on the Bottom 3 and Harry Connick Jr answers. He thinks America is smart and the voting is all performance based.
9:22 p.m. I had Majesty and CJ in my Bottom 3. I continue to predict Jessica for the Bottom 3 and America keeps going a different way. But Sam was a bore last night, so if America wanted to shun that? I've got no objections.
9:25 p.m. J-Lo teases that one member of the Bottom 3 was better than the others. She's probably thinking of Majesty and she's at the bottom. "I knew it!" she says, seeking out a mic.
9:26 p.m. You honestly might as well use the Save on Majesty, because I think that Caleb and Alex and Jena are all safe long-term and nobody else matters. Majesty, working her way through this year's Oscar nominees, does a breathless, weak, high energy version of "Happy." I like Majesty. I'd save her, because... whatever. She brings a different energy and there's no harm to it. Majesty is fun. She's a good kid. She makes weird song choices, but she's got potential, even if she then goes home next week. I don't know who the Judges think they're going to be saving the Save for at this point.
9:28 p.m. "By a narrow, narrow margin we are not going to use our save tonight," Keith says. Majesty is all smiles. Because she's neat. "Oh my gosh, I don't want to cry on TV," Majesty says.
9:30 p.m. Oh well. Bye, Majesty. That's OK.
You sad? Should the judges have used the Save?
Read more at http://www.hitfix.com/the-fien-print/recap-american-idol-season-13-top-9-results-plus-janelle-monae-performs#WOIl4fExcMkkYg06.99